yet she goes again they dun have money.

not even 10bux for my bus fare.

i dunnnoe what else to say alr.

i shall declare my family bankrupt yet they can still buy stuff and do stuff with money.

i mean are they lying to me or the money just appear to them?

now to pay my debt for my friend. i have to use my sch allowance.

sooner or later i know i couldnt take this any longer.

we're living in singapore for crying out loud.

in singapore its crucial to have money, at least 50 per day just to survive.

ask my mom for money for days. i told her way in advance i need some money for this event.

yet she is furious i keep asking her for money and told me i rather choose friends than family.

i mean like wtf man. if i could i would want to go.

seriously. i would ditch those so called friends of mine and stayed home.

she dun understand me. she dun understand my situation. she dun understand me life.

at all. her generation of life and mine are like black and white.

she nv go to a sch whre you are pressured.

she nv have friends who fake their way into her life.

if i chose my friends so much i would live with my family.

i would move out way long time ago and live with someone.

i would ditch her and go off somewhre.

why would she say i prefer friends than family.

oh god! she dunnoe what i've gone thru what i did.

what kind of friends i have. what kinf of people i surround with.

oh gosh... i feel like strangling myself to death loving like this.

i truly wanna end sch right now. quit scatter done!

but idk how to quit sch.. but the tot that i only have less than 2 years to go.

somehow that encourage me to stay put and continue with all the drama.

why is god testing me so much. all my life. there are alot of those days whre i rather not rmb.

when will this testing stop and let me enjoy and live my life the way i wanted to?

i honest like had enough. everytime i have this kind of days whre i feel so low of myself.

i rmb all the other time in the past of what happen to me that really leave a scar.

the time whre i was sick but no one will care. the reason why i dun go doctor that much.

mom dun even came after me when i cry ever since my lil bro was born, i was 6 or older.

the tot whre mom dare to leave me alone when i was a baby and she have to go to work.

[so much for family huh? eu leave your child at home alone?]

that day whre mom took me out and plan to runaway but i manage to get my sis to search for her & i didnt even get a thank you. not even appreciated.

that time when she force me to leave my pet kitten and gave me $10 to forget about her.

Kiara,my pet kitten.

during my teen years. i have this pet kitten whre i got frm my mom workplace.

that kitten was everything to me. truly, more of a family to me.

mom wasnt in favor of her and always ask to get rid of it.

i knew those days my mom tot i was a troubled kid.

i did smoke and came home late. have bf.

but she havent met my friends yet. they are way worst. they disrespect their mom.

but i dun. still she think im a rebelious child.

she love to pick on me. do this do that.

only talk nicely to me when she needed something and most of the time scold me or find fault with me as if i was wrong all the time.

the day after my mom let my kitten go at the beach.

i still rmb that my kitten was running back to me. the tot of that nv fails to make me cry.

i mean seriously. those days. she was all i had whenever i feel down.

never fail to cheer me up with her playfulness and company.

always there when i needed someone.

she walk toward me while mom force me to walk away.

thats the worst experience i had seriously. after that i cried for hours.

when bro get to know about it. he was angry at my mom.

he knew what the kitten meant to me. he was against it and quarrel with my mom.

and sis wasnt in favor of it too. she and her bf[that point of time] tried to search for my kitten the next day. i cant hold it back.

whenever they talk about it, i would tear up. the fact whre my bro and sis knew how much it meant to me and mom dont.

shows how much she dun know me at all.

sis explain to her bf how mom have been picking on me.

she even notice that. i was shock that she knew what i was going thru.

she understands more than my mom.

sometimes, i feel she is more my mom than my sis.

just because she understands me more.

that day was my worst day in my life so far.

to you people it may just be a pet. but to me its my companion.

i admit i do miss my kitten eventho its been years.

whenever im down i will rmb her no doubt.

the only thing i can rmb of her is my pillow that she use to sleep on it.

i use to have a picture of it. but that image is capture in my mine.

and i wont forget it. the pillow she use to sleep now is my 'bantal busuk'

i nv let anyone else have it .

cox i know its the only thing i have frm her.