so this week been such a tough week, mentally and emotionally.

at the beginning of this week, on Monday of course.

i came back to school since my lecturer called my dad and talked to me.

convince me that i need to come to school if i want to catch up with my work.

i miss almost 3 weeks of school. so i got a lot of catching up to do.

so came to school, i didn't know much people in class.

so my lecturer wants to talk to me, so we talk for quite some time.

he ask about why i was absent, why am i not putting in much effort.

he even realize how much i am not committed to the course i am in.

he ask me if this is what i want. he somehow knew or read my mind on that day.

he ask me why should i suffer learning something i am not interested in?

i honestly reply, because of my family situation.

he advice me if i am not into this course, i should stop suffering and start something new.

he mentioned about my "calling". this course may not be my "calling"

but something is. it may not be now but some day, i'll have my "calling"

i listened to him and nod and teared up.

how much he understood my situation without me saying a word.

my parent don't ask about what i am doing in school.

how i am doing school. or even ask if i am happy what am doing right now.

but this lecturer of mine, somehow knew i am suffering.

knew that this course is not my thing. even advice me, indirectly, to quit.

don't blame him for not motivating me to keep going and not give up.

he has a point there. why am i suffering learning something i don't want to.

something i am not interested in. something i know i have no future with..

at the end of it, i was trying to pull back my tears from rolling down my cheek.

my parent never knew my situation. how i feel and all.

but within seconds, someone i barely knew.

someone who taught me for few times knew my situation without me telling him.

at first when he ask me. i just shook my head.

i know if i start pouring out what was i stressing all this while.

i am for sure gonna break down.

and trust me, this is not even half of what i am going through.

i really appreciate him talking to me and advice me.

he even shared his story about his studies during his time.

that really made me think more and somehow made me feel better.

after he talk to me, i believe that i have a good lecturer to turn to.

so i have no reason to back out for this module. at least for now.

he understood my situation more than my parents do.

so since he gave me a chance, why shouldn't i?

i am gathering some of my friends who is willing to help me during their holiday.

since us designer student still have projects, we have not start out holiday yet.

so i hope my non-designer friends could take some time off their holidays to help me.

i really need it since i am really back in my project.

so right now, i have the permission of Sasa & Saiful~

thank you guys! i owe you guys so much! ♥♥

and that was not the end. today i went to my aunt house.

we exchange our mixer! since she bought a high quality mixer for her son at discounted price.

she no longer need the other mixer.

but we exchange because mine was detachable & her son need that kind of mixer.

her son, which is my cousin, duhh.. is in a baking school.

so he is learning baking and all that which is so awesome!!

today my cousin bake pandan cake, which turn out so nice and soft!

but i could't try it since it was past my dinner time.

so i have to wait till tomorrow to try his cake. he is damn talented like his mom.

they can open a bakery shop seriously.!

her mom do make business selling bread, cakes, cookies and all.

but now her son is into it too. their house is seriously like a bakery shop already.

every time i came by their house. my aunt or my cousin is sure baking something.

previously, during my O level holiday, i came by their house sometime.

because my aunt teach me to bake :D

which is so fun! hahaha

so back to today. while waiting for the cake, me mom & aunt was in the kitchen chatting.

well at first they were like talking about other stuff.

then somehow they end up about giving allowance for us kids.

den mom talk about how i spend my allowance fast during my first year.

then my aunt explain that what she gave me was never near enough.

especially for a design student.

i was surprised how much she know about this than my mom.

and we talked about my lil bro's allowance.

she also said that it's too much.

what i've been saying to mom, she never listen. she always seems that she is right.

but when my aunt says it, she listened.

i cried on the spot when they talked about this.

reason being, when i told me mom about these she never listened.

so i never talked to her or tell my situation.

but when my aunt talked about me as if i told her about my situation.

tells me how much she understand her children.

knowing that my aunt is so understanding makes me cry.

thinking why cant my mom be more understanding like her.

as much as it hurts to compare them. i wish my mom were at least more understanding.

i keep keeping things to myself.

people don't know that because i don't them anything about what's going on behind that smile.

my aunt mention, the reason that she and her son never quarrel

was because she was understanding of his situation.

Its sad to me that people i don't talk to everyday, knows my situation without me telling them.

whereas my parents, who i live with. have no clue of what i'm going through.

they don't know how i feel everyday or ask about my day.

i always keep it in. so every time when sometime touch on that subject.

i get too emotional because what I've been keeping in is banging to get out.

which i refuse to let it out, result it tears~