Adventure.

[Trevor Holmes]

Musically talented white guy im admire for now..

Today watched TMNT with few friends..

Some didnt make it and only 4 of us made it.

Me, Dan, Shida & Azizul..

Movie was great and i love it.

Especially the elevator MC Mikey scene!

Aftermath, meet up with In and his 2 friends.

We travelled somewhere at LCK..

Went to some place somewhere which i dont know.

We had In's friend's van to travel around so..

Then we slack at Yishun Dam.

We talk about whatever we could think of.

Then this new friend ask me a good question.

We were talking about how "white" i am..

How im into AngMo and not Malays..

There's gonna be complication

If i were to get serious with non-muslim guy

And i do have a thought in those

I do think about it..

He ask "why are girls into those guys and not us"

He then ask me and i ask myself too..

I was thinking as to why am i like this too..

At first i said.

I admire those guys. Maybe date them.

But i have no intention to get serious

If things gets too complicated.

Of course i wont force or convince him to

Convert into my religion because he loves me.

I dont do that.

He can only do that if he loves islam more than me.

And i said to myself, why am i gonna date them

If i have no intention to have a future with them?

Finding a muslim AngMo is so hard here.

What are the chances right?

As we talked. We get to few other topic.

Then i realize.

Guys with my religion here..

I have no interest

cox i know they are not interested in me either.

We were talking about who would they pick

among the girls at work.

Including me. They didnt pick me.

It didnt bother me at first.

Then i realize why...

Im not bragging. But im as decent a i could be.

I dont drink.

I dont smoke.

I dont club.

I only tried them once or maybe twice..

Then i stopped. Cox its not me.

I dont sleep around with guys.

At the same time.

I am not strong in my religion.

Thus i dont attract those kind lf guys i wish to have

Not any other guys out there.

Because i dont put myself out there to be known.

Guys probably like pretty girls

Or girls who put themselves out there

Girls who are not shy introducing themselve.

All i get frm those guys is that,

"im too good for them"

"i dont deserve to have you"

And those decent guys wont even take a second look

Especially if they dont know me.

Im not wearing hijab.

Im not strong with my religious kmowledge

I prefer hang with guys

(people probably think im such a flirt)

When in all...

They dont even get the chance to know me.

I know im not attractive

Im kindda tomboyish

I try to understand boys.

I hate crowds.

Im into sneakers.

I love music.

I love travel.

I like sports.

Im fat. Yes. I know.

Finally, i may seem ignorant.

Because i dont talk to anyone i dont know.

Im usually the kind of person

Who keep it to herself at times.

The guy friends i have are also due to mutual friend

And i prefer hang with guys

Because they are less drama.

I always mention this..

Girls are such backstabbers and bitch talkers.

I dont say im not.

With those kind of people. I am too..

Thats why i try my best to stay away frm them

I dont mind having talk about girls

Or relationships or sex or dicks with guys

Its normal to me by now..

They may think i might get offended

Or grossed out. But i dont.

Not anymore....

I like to surround myself with good company.

Once in a while do something new.

Why not. We're here to explore the world..

My first cig was when i was 13?

My first alcohol was like 15?

My first club was like recently, at 21..

I tried those stuff just for experience.

No ones perfect. I know those are sins.

I am wise enough to stop before it got out of hand.

Im very open minded.

Open minded as in, join in the talk

when the guys i hang with talks about......

Not open minded as in sexting and shit..

I am an adult now.

I should act like one.

On the other hand. I do admire white guys so much.

I am too influenced by their culture.

But of course i dont forget my roots.

I believe in Allah S.W.T.

One and only..

In Shaa Allah, i will find what im looking for.

Only HE knows my soulmate.

Who i am into.

I may go giggly when it comes to white guys

who are especially musically talented.

But all i need is a good muslim man to show me

the way to become a good muslimah.

It doesnt matter how he look likes on the outside.

In the end, i will always go for whats inside.

I can learn to love someone.

As long as he loves me as much as i do to him.

Im sure we'll do just fine.

But if he show no interest or inconsistent.

He no longer exist just like my recent ex.

No matter how much i love that person.

But if he doesnt love me as much.

Im just wasting my time.

They're just taking advantage of me.

I knew. And it took me awhile to process that at times..

So yea.. thats me.

I had such great time with the boys.

No picture though.

Guys and pictures dont really go together

Unless their vain sons of bitches. Haha