Hi.. let me share you a story. About my past experience and probably about my oh so not perfect family..

Few minutes ago, lil bro had a fight with big bro. Which led him to runaway from home.  I wouldnt say runaway, cox its just like half an hour ago? The fight started probably my fault. I realize this week is lil bro's exam week and he's been playing games all week. I jokingly confront him and my big bro overheard it. They start having serious conversation and turns into a fight. Which i wouldnt blame my big bro. My lil bro is kindda rude and disrespectful. I know because thats how im treated everyday by someone who is 6 years younger than me.

When i was younger, i would never be that disrespectful, mocking my older siblings right at their faces. I know it would turn out ugly. I though having a younger siblings, i would have someone who finally respect me as an older siblings. But no... Things just got worst and i grew tired of fighting and being my fault because he's the baby in the family..

So yea.. i probably suspected he gonna dl something like this earlier on. But wtf. I reallt dont care. Not that i am heartless. But he is in the wrong. He dont study. And the way he talks to older brother, which is 14 years older than him, was just plain rude. That even i got pissed. But im use to him doing that to me. C'mon, all my years with sibkings rivalry, never mock someone in their face. Everytime he did tgat to me, i swear, my hands are just itching to reach him and brutally make him to stop. But no.. he's pretty bad. If i do that, he wont hesitate to do the same.

So yea, just 5 mins gone. My brother mention it to mom and she immediately got worried and pacing everywhre hoping he would pop up soon. Honestly. I wont get my hopes up. I've done it a couple of time and no one seems to care anyway. When i came home. Everything was normal. They didnt even realize i was gone. Yea. This trick of his. We all been there. My brother once tried to jumped out of the second floor after quarrelled with mom. Sis run away from home and went to her friends house. Well for me, i got kicked out from the house by my lovely mom. Yea... I cant remember why. But i remember vividly he kick me out of the house alright. And i just sat outside of the house. Waiting. Hearing her telling my siblings off not to let me in.

Yes, i feel so love right now. She cant stop openning the doors. And the fact that our home has 2 main doors. Just annoys me as much. I know this. I've been here. Eventually he'll come back. If he doesnt. Idk what else to say or do. I have so many other things and responsibilities to handle which im.not suppose to at my age. She insist i go down and find him. Fuck it. I tell her off. Very pissed. The very person who disown me for a period of time and kick me out of the house and many more and yet i keep defending her.

I feel bad that im not worried. Maybe because i've been there. This is just the time where i would just wanna be by myself. On my own. Crying and walking aimlessly. Thats what he'd probably do right now. Possibly thinking of suicide. It happens. Not that i want to. But if he was ever feeling the same way i did, he'd probably think of it too. It came across my mind a couple of times. I just dont talk about it. The reason why i hang with the wrong people. Where i cut myself for no reason and think of suicide every now and then during my teenhood. Thats part of life. We all been there. Maybe thats why im not worried. Cox i've been there. Just that we all, me and my two older siblings, been through worst. Way worst. We werent that pampered as he was. We were quite disciplined. But she always has a soft spot for him. Thus, his behaviour suck big time...

So yea.. thats all. I would rant this to someone. But i have noone i talk to that knows me well anymore. Which is kindda sad. But i live an independent life. My blog or diary shall be the place where my true feeling are...